Hello Reader,
I had planned this piece of writing since the beginning of the month.
Actually, I had done the research, written the first draft, pondered about it — everything one can do — and even procrastinated on it.
And on the prepared day, today, March 21, my birthday...
I began to doubt.
I began to question and wonder if it was worth it. What was the use?
Does it benefit the readers, or am I just trying to present or satisfy my insecurities?
We would never know. I think I know, but I am not certain. However, we can't know, because after a lot of thought, I decided to skip it, not publish it.
And no, it was not a "23 things I have learnt over my 23 years of life".
It was a case, presenting a defence for my name and what I do. Like an apologetic letter presenting myself before the eyes of the congregation for scrutiny.
I usually write things like that at special moments...
Last year, it was The Gospel According to Hortharn.
However, tonight I would make it short to recite or write out one deep realisation I have had over this past year, clocking a new age.
Be Comfortable With Your Own Skin.
There are many single-line quotes that have meant the world to me this past year.
But one recent, so strong, so deep, so thoroughly meditated upon, has been this:
Be comfortable with your own skin.
I have really thought through my years and how hard it has truly been to appreciate the person you see in the mirror.
As a perfectionist, you are always seeking everything to be 101%, and that can mean trying to fit every definition that can be labelled perfect.
It goes beyond just the physical reflection but even deeper into your soul, your regrets, your passions, and your uniqueness.
This is not about self-love or "love yourself".
Those can be grossly misunderstood and are a major cause of the indecency and immoral acts we see.
But being comfortable with your own skin is about the ability to sit down, recognise, and face the flaws, mistakes, and errors you have made (or that have affected you) and realise how they have shaped you, what they have fed you, and how you can become better.
Honestly, a lot of us cannot recount our past. We are living in the trauma of actually seeing our past suffering and rejecting it, unable to see what it has made of us.
Some are even trying to dissociate themselves from that reality—but that is your own skin now.
Many think being born again is a simple delete key to all memory of the past.
But if it were so, then the Bible would have no right to speak of Paul's past, or Paul would have no courage to talk about it – as he did in Corinthians, Galatians, and the rest.
Being born again is being forgiven for the past, letting it go.
However, let us not get sidetracked...
Being comfortable with your own skin is sitting up to reflect and understand your wants, your needs, your loves, and your quest.
We are all different—not necessarily special (I don't like to assume that) but certainly unique—so it is very much possible, and should be appreciated, to want something different from what those around you love.
You should appreciate your weirdness and be willing to bring it to the front and do something about it. You should be courageous enough to sit with it, stand by it, declare it, and proclaim it.
This is not about speaking, shouting, or vlogging but about your actions and your thoughts in your conversations, even in your prayers and meditation: accept yourself for who you are, and try to discover that uniqueness and develop it into something refined and cultured (meaning a communal way of life for the general well-being of society).
Only when we are comfortable sitting with our hidden and inner lives can we truly discover and express our unique potential.
Be Comfortable With Your Own Skin.
Be Determined. Stay Focused.
Hortharn's Journal
